


Five Times Sara Stood Alone (And One Time Everyone Stood Together)

by veleda_k



Category: White Collar
Genre: 5+1 Things, Character Study, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 17:09:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/pseuds/veleda_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout her life, Sara has learned to stand on her own two feet. Until maybe she doesn't have to. Spoilers through 3x16.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Sara Stood Alone (And One Time Everyone Stood Together)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [freneticfloetry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freneticfloetry/gifts).



Sara walks up the stairs, her footsteps seeming far too loud against the aching quiet of the house. She stops at Gram's door and knocks. "Gram?" When there's no answer, Sara pushes the door open. She's not surprised to see Gram pouring over old photo albums. The only question is whether she's searching for Sara's parents or Emily. "Gram, I'm going to make dinner. Is there anything you'd like?" She doesn't reply. "Gram?"

"No thank you, Emily."

Sara flinches, then swallows down the pain. "I'll bring you something later," she promises quietly. 

She starts preparing dinner. This isn't so bad, she tells herself. There's plenty of money for food and clothes, Gram never forgets that. And she has good days, days when she comes out of her room and smiles at Sara, and things feel almost normal. 

Sara's sixteen, and that's plenty old enough to take care of herself. Her parents would want her to be strong, and Emily—daring, fearless Emily—would expect the same. 

For a moment, Sara allows herself the familiar dream. Emily will come back, and she'll be so proud of Sara. They can be a family again, and everything will be all right. 

Sara cuts off the fantasy. She doesn't want to be Gram, sunk in memories and wishing. She won't be that person. 

She stands a little straighter. She can do this. She can carry on alone. She suspects it's easy, once you get the hang of it.

***

Sara stands on the stage and smiles as she receives her diploma, the one that declares her a Smith graduate. She graduates magna cum laude, and no one is surprised.

Unlike most of her classmates, Sara doesn't bother to search the audience. She knows there's no one there for her. Gram's been dead three years, and of course Emily never did come back. 

But the pride in her smile is real. Today is a triumph and she knows it. 

She's given up a lot to get this far. Given up parties, ski trips, and basketball games. She didn't come here to be Miss Congeniality. She came here to be the best. And she is, or close to it. 

Emily would be proud, if she were here. So would Sara's parents. Even Gram might have joined the present for this event. There would hugging and kissing and lots of "That's our girl." This victory is for them, but it's also for Sara herself, who got here all on her own.

She doesn't stick around for the party. Instead she takes herself out to dinner before picking up a bottle of wine on her way home. This isn't the end for her, and there's still plenty of work to be done. In a few months, she'll be at Yale, earning her Masters, and beyond that, who knows?

It satisfies her, having something to strive for. And if it's a little lonely, that's all right. She knows how to be alone.

***

She's missed him by a day, maybe even less. One single day is all that stands between her and the biggest recovery of her career. One infuriating day separating her from Neal Caffrey.

She keeps her fury under control. She's polite, if brisk, to the various agents and officers milling about the crime scene. She keeps her cool, gets back to the office, and types up her very professional notes. 

It won't help the rumors. Every workplace thrives on gossip, and Sterling-Bosch is no different. It seems everyone in the company has their own theory on why Sara is so "fixated on" and "obsessed with" (their words) Caffrey. Theories range from blood oath to childhood vendetta. What none of them can wrap their heads around is that the truth is so much simpler. She wants to win. She wants to be the best, and Caffrey is standing in her way. 

All right, so it's a little personal. Caffrey has a way of getting under people's skin, and Sara's not immune. He toys with people and treats life like a game, and Sara wants to bring him back to cold, hard reality. However, none of that is the point. The point is that she has a job to do, and he has Sterling-Bosch insured property. If her co-workers refuse to see that in favor of lurid fantasies, then fine. She doesn't need their support or approval. She'll do just fine on her own. She always has.

***

It should hurt more, that's what Sara thinks. She's broken off the engagement, and she doesn't feel the least bit broken herself. Another woman might have cried, at least a little, when she returned Bryan's ring. Sara, on the other hand, stayed dry eyed. Truth be told, she even felt a little relieved. Which was probably the wrong thing to be feeling.

It had been nice, feeling wanted like that. She hadn't believed the "you're the center of my world" schmaltz Byran had sold her, but it had felt good to hear. But all the nice words in the world couldn't make it work, and Sara knew that.

She comes into work and does her job. So does Byran. They're civil to each other, and they work together when necessary. He's a consummate professional just as she is. She's always liked that about him.

Maybe that's part of the problem. They were better partners than they ever were lovers. That's what Sara misses. Not marrying Bryan isn't so bad; drifting away professionally is much worse. 

Her co-workers offer sympathy and invite her out for drinks and manicures. Sara takes them up on it once or twice, just to show them that she really is as emotionally stable as she appears. But she's mourning something more complicated than an engagement, and they can't see that. She doesn't stick to the scorned woman script, and they don't know what to do with her. 

So, she finds herself dealing with it alone. And that's easier. Alone, she never has to pretend to be something she's not. And that's worth any diamond ring.

***

Walking away from Neal hurts. She hadn't expected that. It wasn't supposed to be anything more than a bit of fun: two people who enjoyed each other's company. Because Sara has always known who Neal is. She's always known that letting him get close could only lead to pain.

It doesn't feel good, to be right. 

He had seemed so different. The Neal who cooked her a gourmet meal, then dragged her away to hide in a speakeasy hidden room bore little resemblance to the arrogant, taunting criminal she pursued. Maybe he never changed, and Sara has only been seeing what she wants to see. Maybe he has changed, just not quite enough. It doesn't really matter now. Whether or not Neal is capable of change, Sara isn't. She can't stay with Neal and be the person she wants to be. 

The question then is, who does she want to be?

Neal has a king's ransom in treasure stashed away somewhere. Sara should definitely tell someone about that. She should, but she won't. Wherever Neal thinks he's going, Sara can't follow him. But she can't betray him, either. She won't say she owes him that much. She doesn't owe him anything. But she'll give him that much. Because Neal never claimed to be something he wasn't. He never promised her anything beyond banter and a good time. 

It's been a long time since she's been hurt like this, but she'll survive. Soon she'll be standing strong and solitary. She just has to wait for the pain to pass. She can do that.

***

Sara's not positive when her life passed through "exciting and unpredictable" into "insane," but she's fairly sure that Neal and New York's White Collar division have everything to do with it.

Today she lied to an FBI agent. She lied to protect Neal from being prosecuted for the very crime she pursued him for. She's been threatened with obstruction of justice, her career ( her _life_ ) could be in tatters by six o'clock, and she really doesn't care. She'd do it again in a heartbeat, because come hell or high water, she's going to protect her friend. 

And that's what's Neal is, her friend. Sara's not used to having friends, but she's always been a quick learner. 

She teams up with Mozzie to get Neal off Roosevelt Island. She plots with Peter to snatch away Agent Kramer's primary weapon, the Raphael. She doesn't know how many laws she's broken, but she's never been more certain that she's doing the right thing. 

She has no way of knowing how all this will end, but that doesn't matter to her very much right now. She's going to see this through. No matter what happens today, she'll know that she stood with the people closest to her. And even if she winds up alone again, she'll remember this. 

It's not exactly comfortable, this feeling of camaraderie. But comfort has never been Sara's top priority anyway.

She doesn't know if any of this will turn out all right. But she'll know she tried. She believes it will be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> The bits about Sara graduating magna cum laude from Smith and getting her Masters from Yale were taken from Sahiya, who writes an awesome Sara.


End file.
